It has been a very long time since I have posted anything regarding me. The comments from Michelle and her mother are wonderful. I feel like I have known both of them for a long time. It has been a very long journey for me all my life.
I have crossed bridges in my life that some people cannot believe that I am here to tell the tail, I know I am not the only one that has been in my shoes. I am very proud of myself for conquering the obstecles that have been put in front of me while I live my life to the best of my ability. I have made good decisions and some bad, but all in all it's mostly good ones.
Today I have a wonderful family. My husband loves me to no end and he reminds me everyday, Yes we do have our ups and down but we always come through for each other. I truely believe in my marriage, I return my love for my husband everyday as well. My children are my whole life, they brighten it everyday they awake and I am very proud to be able to tell everyone that I am their mother. I love them both with all my heart.
Britney is a very unique young lady. She has no problem letting known what she believes in, and what she has planned for her life. Let no one tell her any different. She has a heart of gold and she is very sensative. Eric also has a heart of gold and will do anything he can for anyone. He is always out to make people happy.
We moved to Lethbridge one year ago and everything all started out very nicely, we found a wonderful place to call home, my husband found a great job, I was able to find a fantastic school for my children to attend and once I had all that in place I was able to find a rewarding job for myself. It was picture perfect. The one thing that I was loosing that I only knew about was my faith in god. I would pray everyday and now it's hard to even try,my trust has even disappeared.
Now I am facing the most difficult decision and I have no idea what to do. Everyone has been very supportive and I am very lucky to have such support surrounding me, but it is something I have to decide. I do feel all alone right now and I am frustrated, angry, scared, sad, happy and totally num. Some cannot understand what it is that's so hard to decide but It is very hard for me. God where are you and please guide me back!!!!!!!! I have always needed you but I am lost.
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4 comments:
Oh Ollie, tears are running down my face as I read your post. God has never left your side, you just turned your head. He loves you beyond measure and wants to be part of your decision and your life. One thing I learned recently is that with God there is no time. He knows the beginning of days and the end of days and sees them at the same time. He knows every decision we make before we make it and already knows which path you will travel next. No matter what you decide to do, He has already decided the outcome and will work things to that purpose. You are going to go through a lot of emotions yet and you will agonize over this decision because it's a big one. Know that in the midst of all this turmoil is a God who loves you so much. You are not lost, He's right there with you and will remain by you until the end of time as we know it and for eternity after that.
I was going to end this novel of a comment but I think God wants me to share a bit of a song I heard recently with you so here it is...
You cry yourself to sleep
cause the hurt is real and the pain cuts deep
All hope seems lost
with heartache your closest friend
and everyone else long gone
You've had to face the music on your own
But there is a sweeter song that calls you home
You're not alone, for I am here
Let me wipe away your every fear
My love, I've never left your side
I have seen you through your darkest nights
And I'm the one who's loved you all your life
All of your life
That's God's promise to you, Ollie. He has loved you all your life and He's not going to leave you.
I love you.
Michele
Thank you so much Michele, you are one of a kind. What a gift to have you as a friend.
Dearest Ollie,
You are so right, your friend Michele is one of a kind. Her words are true... God would never leave you, He loves you unconditionally and completely. In those times when we feel distant and alone, He wants us to know and experience His peace and confidence that He is there. Sometimes in the circumstances life throws at us we cry out to Him and hear nothing in return. It's then we as your friends can uphold you in prayer.
I love Exodus 17:8-13
This is where God had instructed Moses to stand on the top of a hill holding high the rod of God in his hands. But his hands got so tired that he couldn't continue alone, so Aaron and Hur each stood on one side of Moses and held up his hands for him. This way they were victorious in the battle. You are in a battle and we as your friends can come alongside and hold up your hands in prayer for you.
Would you believe that even Jesus felt distant from God when He cried out from the cross, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" Crazy isn't it?
You are loved!
Janet
Hi Ollie...thanks for your comments on Michele's blog and your honesty here. Michele does have a way with words and I have to say that she speaks as someone who has experienced much pain in her life. It was through that painful process and now more recently, as you probably know, through the pain of losing my sister that the famous poem "Footprints" has become very special to me. I always thought of this poem as great words for any person going through a physical illness but more recently I have heard my God say "Elayne, these words are for you too" and I would like to say to you, Ollie, these words are for YOU too. As we struggle with our faith, frustration, anger or whatever we are feeling or going through Jesus wants us to know.....'You are not walking this journey alone. Look into My eyes and don't turn away. I am right here with you and during the times that you don't know what to do and are too weak to do anything I will carry you. I love you and I would never, never leave you during those times of trials and suffering. I WILL carry you.' That, by the way is my paraphrase of this poem.
In case you don't know this poem and would like a copy I can make sure you get one.
BUT it is a poem. The words of the BiBLE are alive and it is God speaking to us. Stand on the promises like "Cast all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you". 1 Peter 5:7 and "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Since I don't know you I would like to ask you this:
Have you ever said something like this to Jesus:
"I know that I am a sinner. I believe you died for my sins and I now turn from my sins and open the door of my heart and life to you. I receive you to be in control of my life from now on. Thank you for forgiving me and giving me new life."
If you have told God that before you are a child of God and you can confidently claim those promises I mentioned for yourself right now in the situation you are in and God WILL give you peace.
Hey Ollie....I THINK I JUST SHOUTED GOD'S LOVE FROM THE ROOFTOPS TO YOU!! May you know the love of God in these days ahead! Love, Elayne
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